[sometimes you kill someone you care about in a string of terribly bad decisions and then get caught for it and your girlfriend dies in your arms and someone else you really cared for turns out to have been a killer too and--]
[anyway]
[Catra's emotions are. . . numb. numb and empty. but she sits in the corner of the detention room, staring out of a window, completely lost. it's there that Otome will find her]
... I have a vague idea. [ Though she looks like she doesn't want to continue because god the last thing she needs is to inadvertently get anyone else killed?? ]
... You love so strongly that when something happens to the people you care about or you're deeply hurt, you act defensively to protect yourself. You try to stand against whatever has hurt you-- to you, it's now a threat.
That's understandable, Catra. [ she says this gently. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 4, saturday
[anyway]
[Catra's emotions are. . . numb. numb and empty. but she sits in the corner of the detention room, staring out of a window, completely lost. it's there that Otome will find her]
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Standing uncertainly and brokenly in the doorway!
Hi. ]
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[and then flattening]
[she looks like a deer caught in the headlights, but-- the numbness is replaced with anger, with small hints of betrayal, with-- with guilt??]
[???]
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... I'm sorry. It doesn't change anything, but I truly am.
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O-- Otome.
[. . . . . . . .]
[god what does she say?? she doesn't know what to say!!!]
It's. . . [. . .] I don't-- you wouldn't.
Neither you nor Byleth nor Rupert would kill for no reason at all. I'm not stupid.
[SO WHY THE DRAMATICS, CATRA]
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Of course it would hurt, Catra.
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[seeing those tears is enough to bring out another pang of loss, of grief. Catra lifts a hand to scrub at her face]
I didn't-- I didn't really want to kill you, I just. . .
[. . .]
[she trails off]
[in the moment, in the heat of the trial, it was easy to give into the old Catra]
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[ Emotions, man. ]
I wouldn't have stopped you.
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. . . yeah. I could tell.
[OTOME!!!]
You shouldn't, though. If someone comes after you this week like I did Byleth, don't just let them do it.
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[ Honestly, she's conflicted. ]
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[a hollow, humorless laugh]
[. . .]
[she presses a hand against her upper arm. the same one she was grabbing at ALL TRIAL that NOBODY ASKED HER ABOUT!!!]
I would've been angry if she had.
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I... I'll try. I don't want to stop trying to do what I can, even if I would deserve retribution.
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You don't have to be so self-deprecating, Otome.
[says the pot to the kettle]
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[ It sucks. ]
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What oath?
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... Above all else, do no harm.
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[. . .]
[she doesn't know what to say to that, so her gaze turns downward, ears drooping. and after a moment of silence]
. . . do you know why they chose you?
[to do whatever it is that she and Byleth and Rupert were chosen to do?]
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[she just nods and doesn't ask anything further]
What are you going to do now that people. . . um. Know?
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[a tiny huff]
It's not really your fault.
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I thought you would be the first person to rip out my throat, actually.
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[but Catra can't even deny that, and her mouth mouth twists upwards into a wry smile of her own]
I am that kind of person, aren't I?
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That's understandable, Catra. [ she says this gently. ]
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[she falls silent at that. stop this!! stop this being kind to her thing!!]
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