[it would be fantastic if people stopped asking him that. so for a moment he kind of stares at her as he attempts to assess his own feelings.]
...I don't know. We did the right thing. There really wasn't another option, and Nishijima-sensei did say he was leaving the future to us. So...all we can do is keep moving forward.
[it's a cop-out answer and also a vague one because yeah, he has not had time to really properly think about any of this since they slammed right into murder academy.]
I don't disagree with that. But I've learned that... we can tell ourselves over and over that we did the right thing and it will be better this way, and we can accept that and work on moving forward.
But we never really allow ourselves time for our emotions. Grief and wanting to lean on someone...
[ She pauses, and then-- ]
When I remembered-- being a mother, I tried so hard to put it aside because I thought nothing could be done about it. I couldn't go back. I could only move forward.
[...ow. he's not sure what it is about the way otome says that, but when he thinks about how she lost a bond like that only to remember it and be unable to regain it...he understands, sort of. it had felt like that with the digimon initially. they were there, but they weren't.
he can only think it was on an even worse level for her.]
Subconsciously, I threw myself into work even more. We were in a crisis, after all. I was a doctor and a demon tamer and I needed to be both of those things in order to support everyone as much as I could. But... I overdid it. I made myself sick from my desperation to cope with a loneliness I couldn't actually handle.
...[he understands that a little too well, he thinks. not quite the same situation, but similar events and similar feelings. finding something to do to fill the gap of things you've done and can't take back.]
I'm glad someone was able to help you recognize it. [he says, diplomatically and possibly avoiding the point.] It's important to rest after stuff like that, but...I understand wanting to keep going, too. Like if you stop, you're just going to be left thinking about what you lost and can't regain instead of trying to gain something else.
I'm not saying you have to do it here. Just don't... let it weigh too heavily on you, okay? If it has to wait until this is all behind you, that's fine.
I know. I appreciate that. [even if he does frown because OTOME YOUR HEARING. there's a moment of hesitance though after that.] But...some of it is kind of personal. I'm not even sure what to do with it.
[otome is his favorite adult because she never makes him talk about stuff.]
I know. [he does know. it's nice.] ...maybe someday. I'm still trying to understand everything myself. I think trying to explain everything would just make it more complicated.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah. Yeah, everything's okay again. Earth's saved, the digital world's saved, and everything's going to go back to the way it was.
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[which is maybe not what otome's asking but it's what his focus is.]
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...I don't know. We did the right thing. There really wasn't another option, and Nishijima-sensei did say he was leaving the future to us. So...all we can do is keep moving forward.
[it's a cop-out answer and also a vague one because yeah, he has not had time to really properly think about any of this since they slammed right into murder academy.]
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I don't disagree with that. But I've learned that... we can tell ourselves over and over that we did the right thing and it will be better this way, and we can accept that and work on moving forward.
But we never really allow ourselves time for our emotions. Grief and wanting to lean on someone...
[ She pauses, and then-- ]
When I remembered-- being a mother, I tried so hard to put it aside because I thought nothing could be done about it. I couldn't go back. I could only move forward.
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he can only think it was on an even worse level for her.]
...did you give yourself time after that?
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[ She shifts her gaze off to the side. ]
Subconsciously, I threw myself into work even more. We were in a crisis, after all. I was a doctor and a demon tamer and I needed to be both of those things in order to support everyone as much as I could. But... I overdid it. I made myself sick from my desperation to cope with a loneliness I couldn't actually handle.
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I'm glad someone was able to help you recognize it. [he says, diplomatically and possibly avoiding the point.] It's important to rest after stuff like that, but...I understand wanting to keep going, too. Like if you stop, you're just going to be left thinking about what you lost and can't regain instead of trying to gain something else.
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We never really want to stop and focus on what it is that's hurting us. So in the end, we avoid it in different ways.
[ Taichi, you're not subtle. ]
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So what, you think I'm avoiding stuff?
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...I don't know if I want to. Not until we get out of here.
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I won't. I can't. [those are not great reasons.] ...but there are some things I don't know how to address even if I wanted to.
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Well, if there's anything I can do to help, let me know. At the very least, I can lend an ear. The ear.
[ THE EAR THAT ISN'T DEAF. ]
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[so he won't.]
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... It's all right. Like I said, I'm not going to make you talk about anything you don't want to.
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I know. [he does know. it's nice.] ...maybe someday. I'm still trying to understand everything myself. I think trying to explain everything would just make it more complicated.
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Mm... well, you know where to find me.
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...let's check out the new places and call it a day. [their original destination. right.]